In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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