By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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