after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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