I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He shit in the fireplace
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
