I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
