i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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