You made me cry and you don't even care
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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