You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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