mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
