I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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