She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
