i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
