Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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