Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
