Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
