writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
