my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
