you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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