And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
