After last night, I could never be a politician.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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