First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
