Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
