I have demons in me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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