and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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