What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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