Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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