i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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