grandma shit on top of the toilet
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
