nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
