i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
