So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
