dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just had sex bonerless
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
