found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
