You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
