who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I did not marry a roomba.
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