Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I got inside last night via doggy door
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
