please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
