The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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