Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
