How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
