They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
