i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
