Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
