I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
