Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
