ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
