You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
