i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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