I just threw up on my dentist
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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