I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
